2011 Oscar Liveblog
7:42 (E.S.T.) – Matthew McConaughey in the house. Is he here under the impression that A Time to Kill is getting some kind of classic tribute award?
7:43 – Warren Beatty looks lost. Jesus, Bullworth wasn’t that long ago. Wait…
7:47 – “I am on a drug, it’s called CHARLIE SHEEN.” I’m so sorry Martin.
7:50 – Marky Mark’s doing his part on the red carpet to publicize that obscure HBO show he produces, Entourage.
7:52 – Does anybody remember like ten years back when Joan Rivers asked Ving Rhames how it felt to be nominated for The Green Mile? Good times.
7:59 – A pertinent quote from Brick director Rian Johnson’s DP Steve Yedlin: ”You can predict the Oscars with 95% accuracy by replacing the word ‘best’ with ‘most.’”
8:05 – James Franco, as always delightfully eccentric/stoned/drunk/exhausted from completing half-a-dozen Master’s programs simultaneously.
8:15 – Because it’s always worth repeating:
8:22 – Ugh, Roberto Benigni.
8:26 – I really want this interviewer to ask Tom Hanks about Chet’s rap career.
8:30 – Reznor/Ross’ In the Hall of the Mountain King!
8:32 – Alec Baldwin, you scamp.
8:34 – “I don’t like being around this much negativity.” “I love you in Tron.” James Franco’s public persona has become his character from Pineapple Express and I love it.
8:37 – This’d be a great time to work in Bill Hader’s impression of Alan Alda doing Biff from Back to the Future. Just saying.
8:40 – Tom Hooper looking visibly uncomfortable during the intro of grandma Franco.
8:42 – My friend Becky: “Is James Franco endearingly awkward or completely shitfaced?”
8:43 – Boooooo, Gone with the Wind.
8:44 – Ugh, Alice in Wonderland has an Oscar now? Don’t reward Tim Burton, Academy, for just doing the same thing again and again.
8:46 – This guy looks like he’s about to get sick on stage. Has Burton got a guy pointing a sniper rifle at him from the balcony. In any case the paleness and sweating is not promising.
8:47 – DEAKINS!!!
8:47 – Still, good to see Inception get some love.
8:48 – And then Chris Nolan was all like, “I’m too cool for your award show.”
8:53 – Okay, here comes the first potential upset of the evening…
8:54 – Animal Kingdom! At least this movie got acknowledged for Weaver’s phenomenal performance, so good.
8:55 – I love that a movie about a near-incestuous Massachusetts family of crackheads and drunks got nominated for a ton of Oscars. It was also about boxing, so I guess that’s why.
8:56 – OPEN THE ENVELOPE KIRK.
8:57 – Okay this is starting to become obnoxious.
8:59 – Very glad to see Melissa Leo not leave empty-handed. Also, swearing like a sailor.
9:00 – “It is about RESPECTING MOTION PICTURES!” Melissa Leo talking trash at her haters. This is getting hilariously uncomfortable.
9:03 – Damn, I’m 1 for 4 at this point. A bunch of surprises in minor categories.
9:06 – Patton Oswalt: “Kirk Douglas = Charlie Sheen in 3 weeks.”
9:13 – Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin just got a movie greenlit where they’re playing the Smothers Brothers.
9:14 – Bring it home Sorkin.
9:18 – Another Year, Inception, and The Fighter were all better scripts than The King’s Speech, but this guy is endearing enough that I’ll let it slide.
9:23 – Delayed reaction, but wasn’t it fantastic how Sorkin refused to acknowledge the exit music playing behind him?
9:24 – Cut to James Franco toking off a Coke can bong backstage during this musical interlude.
9:25 – Our first Charlie Sheen joke of the night and it’s an hour in? Admirable restraint Academy.
9:28 – Russell Brand presenting the foreign language Oscar just seems… crass. Like the Academy is being openly dismissive of the category.
9:30 – I would in no way be surprised if Christian Bale smoked crack to prepare for The Fighter.
9:31 – You the man Jeremy Renner.
9:31 – You the man Mark Ruffalo.
9:31 – You the man Geoffrey Rush.
9:32 – You the Oscar winner Christian Bale. (Okay, I’m done.)
9:33 – Dicky and Micky!
9:39 – I keep waiting for this guy to say “Go to the mattresses.”
9:40 – They always act so surprised when these things run long, and yet…
9:42 – Man, I reeeaalllyy wanna see Trent Reznor win an Oscar right now.
9:43 – Nine Inch Nails classing up the joint.
9:44 – “David Fincher… David Fincher.”
9:46 – Matthew spent the night in a broken tanning bed. He’s really counting on the success of The Lincoln Lawyer.
9:49 – That’s the Academy Award nominated Unstoppable to you, peasant.
9:55 – Oh, the quiet indignities of the untelevised technical Oscars.
9:57 - So, to reiterate,
The Wolfman: 1
Black Swan: 0
9:59 - Once more,
Alice in Wonderland: 2
Blue Valentine: 0
10:02 – No, I’m not making any Kevin Spacey jokes. Too easy.
10:13 – A piece of advice when betting on Documentary Short Subject — do some research and find the movie that looks most depressing.
10:16 – The shaggy haired kid who just won best Live Action Short is adorable.
10:17 – Franco shoutin’ it out to NYU!
10:20 – Best part of the evening so far: Joel Coen picking something out of his ear, looking phenomenally bored during Oprah’s speech.
10:22 – Was hoping for a Banksy appearance, but Charles Ferguson sticking it to the bankers is a nice substitute.
10:27 – I’m laughing at Billy Crystal unironically and I don’t care how you feel about it.
10:32 – I’m glad Robert Downey Jr. has a sense of humor about himself after the Golden Globes.
10:35 – Let’s go Social Network!
10:35 – Eat it Harvey.
10:41 – “Winter’s Bone? Rabbit Hole? How to Train Your Dragon? That’s disgusting.”
10:46 – C’mon 127 Hours…
10:46 – Oh, Randy.
10:48 – They awkwardly cut Halle Berry into the end of the preview of the memorium montage, and I was all like, “Whaaaattt?”
10:57 – Womp womp.
11:01 – Looks like this is Best Director. FINCHER! FINCHER! FINCHER!
11:03 – Sigh.
11:04 – You seem like a nice man Mr. Hooper, but your speech is putting me to sleep. (Cute mother anecdote aside.)
11:11 – The brownies are kicking in James, we all know it.
11:12 – You gotta love Jeff Bridges. There’s just no alternative.
11:14 – I’m so psyched for this Portman acceptance speech.
11:17 – Yay! Natalie Portman bringing the house down. When she turns around to leave, we’ll see blood pooling on her dress.
11:21 – Bridges split in for the pot with Franco. That, or they’re both just like this.
11:23 – Damn, Social Network got robbed for supporting actor noms.
11:25 – The one award I will happily concede to The King’s Speech. Firth seems like a great guy.
11:32 – And it is about to get real…
11:32 – Thank you, Mr. Spielberg, for acknowledging that often great films DO NOT win Best Picture.
11:33 – Damn good year for movies this was.
11:33 – Over on Twitter, director Rian Johnson has literally predicted every category correctly. Almost more amusing than the show: http://twitter.com/rcjohnso
11:35 – Holy crap this is intense… SOCIAL NETWORK MAKE IT RAIN!
11:36 – Fail.
11:37 – The real winner tonight is Harvey Weinstein, who proved it is possible to buy a Best Picture Oscar, provided you’re clever.
11:40 – There’s something poetic about Franco forgetting the name of the Best Picture winner one minute later, and I think it’s an omen of how The King’s Speech will go down in history. On that note, good night everybody!
IM BACK MOTHERFUCKER.
GIVE ME MY FUCKING FRIED CHICKEN.
Precious Chick
February 27, 2011